The vet calls and says the tests are back. And the heart starts pounding
And he tells you that for the second time, the new tumor carries cancer cells
And when he says this awful word ‘cancer’, he suddenly sounds as if he was going through a time stretch plugin. His voice becomes unclear and very slow.
And then you feel that everything becomes very blurry and slow and strange and the camera focuses on your face in an extreme close-up and the earth starts to fall slowly.
And then you start climbing up and up and your head should have been running around but it actually becomes slow and tired.
You want some clarity in your mind to get your thinking straight and suddenly there’s music stuck in your head, and it’s the soundtrack of the sky that you start scraping.
And as if you’re in space, something pushes your legs and you start to spin on an invisible cog made of china.
At some point he asks you if you’re still on the line but you can no longer hear him, and the phone drops and you realize this is actually a Michel Gondry movie that you feel you’re the main role, so abstract and slow.
At some point you fall back to earth and starts planning what to do next and some sort of a strange calmness comes and you realize that once again life proved to be not what everyone promised, far from that. And suddenly you start realizing you’re on the ground and that you’re not alone in the world.
And then you come home and hold that massive body of this beautiful dog-child of yours and you whisper in her ear that everything will be ok and you know she doesn’t understand a word but she catches the vibe and energy and you know that your love will help a lot to win this battle.
And you know that that’s life and there’s no much you can do other than float when you need to, land when you need to and love as hard as you can and truly believe you’ll survive this again. With compassion and endless love.
And the new Pan American album is the perfect soundtrack to all that.